I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
