Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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