Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
