you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
