I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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