i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
