She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize