i don't like sucking hair
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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