So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
