This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
