It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I supernannyed him into submission
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
