I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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