did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
