Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
