so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
