I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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