i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
