i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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