i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
