He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
