I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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