I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
