did you get engaged???
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
