apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
