i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
