I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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