if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize