my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
