the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
