I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
