alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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