last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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