honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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