PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
