Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize