My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
