i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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