I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
