i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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