I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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