Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
