Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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