im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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