1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
