you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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