My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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