beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
