so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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