my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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