Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
