Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
