You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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