Say something about gay babies.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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