well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
