Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
