is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My bed smells like the plague
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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