p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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