There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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