Why are handjobs necessary in class?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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