I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
