Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The ass gains better be worth it
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