haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize