The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
