sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my being single is dangerous.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
