WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
