i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
