fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
